The scariest, most important, most rewarding, most fulfilling word; the ultimate ideal in every aspect of your life, its the most critical layer for every decision that you can make across all spectrums within your individual journey. Let me explain a little deeper than such broad claims and break it down into the three necessary aspects that need to be implemented to create “true honesty.” This will help to release the fear associated with the scary moments to find the courage to be absolute in your authenticity.
Honesty is the most empowering aspect that people tend to gloss over to “sell” people some bullshit and even worse themselves. You heard that right, I’m calling you disingenuine… or are you just feeling disingenuine now? Becoming disingenuine really boils down to that fact that you have too much dishonesty within your life across the board. The slippery slope begins when we just change a small piece about ourselves to “fit” somewhere, the subconscious feeling (minor acceptance) that is associated with that dishonesty that we tell ourselves plants the seeds to create lifelong habits. We begin to go out with friends we don’t like, hide conversations away from our partners, stop creatives processes out of fear, and so on. This creates a level of resentment (internally) and animosity towards your own life that becomes the energy that you put off as your being.
The worst part about this feeling is that it builds a level of fear about who you are to yourself. You can’t pinpoint exactly what it is or where it started, you just know that the energy cannot go on and is not sustainable to find the ability to grow towards that fulfilling life that we all long for. You begin to look around and see death in all things that should be beaming with life. Your not where you want to be, and you don’t know where to start. Anytime you get to this point in your life the answer is always yourself (within), and the starting point is creating honesty across the landscape of your life.
Ok, so how the fuck do we start asshole? Calm down I’m going to tell you how to create authentic honesty, first things first I just need you to understand that this needs to be applied everywhere; anything that you find value in. I’ll give you a minute to gather those things in your head……………..Ok, are we there; good!
1. BRUTAL; yup that’s right the first step is to be insanely brutal. Think of it like this (i know is fucking terrifying) “It should be so brutal that it guts everything to its core.” Nobody wants to hear how fucked up they are, but this is the start. You start with gutting yourself and then ask everyone close to you to gut you as well (this will identify who is really with you, that’s another post). The example would be telling your husband that “I’ve been sexting a friend for fun…” or “I create self-hate because I crave the attention…”. This list can be very long but its how you start to create clarity in the areas that there is dishonesty.
2. EMBRACE; I use embrace in place of other common words like accepting and owning. This invokes an idea that I have recognized my choices, and I’ve created some level of peace around them, I’ve embraced them. The other terms seem like a pouty child just accepting that they have lost this one. That’s a bullshit way of thinking when you have come to a place where you have started to embrace your choices and decision in life, then that’s where you have actually been honest with yourself.
3. GRATITUDE. Here’s the deal you are gonna fuck up a lot of shit in your life, start embracing that (see what I did there). The moment you can find gratitude in it, that means that you have learned the lesson that life is teaching you. You have found the beauty in all situations and leveraged that knowledge to grow. My wife’s affair is the greatest thing that ever happened to our relationship, yes it hurt like a son of a bitch but I have found gratitude in being honest with myself.
We create an overwhelming amount of fear because we don’t know who we are anymore because of the lie we are living, we have lost our purpose, our relationships, our soul….it starts with dishonesty. Work towards the three above, and you will begin to see things clearly again. Don’t look for answers as to how to fix things when you skip this step, these short answers will bring temporary happiness and disillusionment. You have got to ask are those just white lies, what is the long-term outcome if I do not start with honesty as the foundation in everything I approach. Transparency is freedom, no more guessing why things are the way they are. You want to close the gap with your partner, you want to find your passion in life, you want to make a smart car buy, start with honesty first. Be brutal, embrace your choices, and be grateful for the outcomes and quit creating disillusion with your bullshit, and who knows you maybe you will begin to see the real beauty that is you.