Hey there honey butt, over the past couple of months a lot of things have changed for us (way for the better!) but also has shifted some “negative” stuff as it pertains to me. First, I want to acknowledge how amazing you have been on your journey to be more mindful of creating some real true presence within your life. The potential of what you see in a partner has a certain level of expectations that we all create in our head. You have far surpassed what I thought a human being could be capable of in all sorts of areas but more importantly for me is the energy that you are adding to my life. The amazing thing is the consistency in which you do it, and it’s an unwavering existence that I have become to admire every day and aspire to attain. The reason that I bring this up is that I want you to understand that I’m acknowledging so many things within myself daily (both good and bad) and wanted you to know that I am working on what I feel has been damaged for me, that would be patience in my own emotions.
I mention your consistency because as I started to peel some layers within my daily actions, this is an area that I can find some growth. I also say expectations being set in regards to our potential and how you have grown beyond anything that I could ever hope for, this leads me to my point about managing some of those expectations and the measurement in which I attach to them in particular situations. This lack of patience around processing my emotions in these expectations that (in my head) are not being met are leading to moments of unneeded disappointment and ultimately frustration. In those moments I feel that I put off the energy that this was your fault for not meeting those expectations, therefore, making you think that I was disappointed. I have heard “I failed you again” too many times within these months where frankly I am just becoming frustrated within myself because I lack the patience that I used to have. I’m rewiring myself to fix some damaged tools in the way that I used to sit and observe my emotions with some more rational thinking, or at least a better balance of sensible intuition.
Right now you are the example in life that is inspiring me in this growth, and I just wanted to let you know how grateful I am for that in my life as I heal more moving forward. I want you to know its never “your fault” and your NOT “failing me” in any regard, you are precisely the opposite of failing me. I’ve recognized through your daily presence and your absolute love for me is not being reciprocated through my actions, I need to show more gratitude through action, and this is a place that I will continue to work. You have become an ever-present light in my life, and for so many others, you are one of life’s true beauties and wonders of this world. Thank you for the consistency of your mindfulness, I love you, sweet lady!